"Perhaps some day I will sub for you again on a day when I can be nice to you. Today is not that day."

I worked a partial day for the zany social studies teacher I like, only instead of a regular lesson I had to give the county benchmark test for the section they just finished learning. It's one of those where if they talk at all you rip up their test, so I guess it's a big deal.

I had so much fun being quietly intimidating, it was great. Normally, despite all my talk, I'm actually pretty nice, and it has occasionally bit me in the...ankle... because at some point they take advantage and get out of hand and then it's hard to rein them back in. But today I got the chemistry just right, and the pay-off was awesome.

It's not that I was downright mean, per se. I just channeled my inner... military school instructor? Catholic school nun? Totalitarian dictator? And let me tell ya, it was mighty empowering. Old Benito may have been on to something...

Their teacher told me to tell them that if they wrote on the question packet there would be big trouble. Actually his exact words (and mine when I relayed instructions later) were, "Write on this and DIE." That got them because as one of the boys exclaimed, "And he means it, too!" So I adopted that Modus Operandi and ran with it for the rest of the day.

I told them that they had to be silent during this test because I did not feel like playing around with them today, they're old enough to know how they are supposed to act during one of these things. I said if they made a single noise I would assume they were cheating rip up their paper and that would be that, no questions asked, so no talking.

"Are you going to write on this packet?"
"No..."
"Are you going to talk during this test?"
"No..."
"If you stub your toe, will you make a sound?"
"Yes..."
"Wrong! You will not make a sound. You will walk it off and deal with it. Pain is weakness leaving the body."
(A few bleats of worry and confusion from the crowd.)
"That's a quote from the Marine Corps. It means that pain makes you stronger. You can handle some discomfort for this single class period. So even if you stub your toe, walk it off. Toughen up and deal with it. I'll write that on the board so you remember it."

So I wrote, "Pain is weakness leaving the body. - U.S. Marine Corps" in big letters on the chalkboard. Underneath it, in all capital letters and underlined, I wrote, "SILENCE."

It worked. They were silent the whole time. The first class murmured a bit toward the end of the period, but the second class was so good that I told them if they kept it up til the very end they would get a reward. Their reward was, "the satisfaction of knowing that your best, and that you came out stronger as a result." I couldn't help but chuckle even as I said it, but they didn't seem to mind that much.

When that last class was dismissed for lunch the teacher, who fought with the U.S. Army in a certain "limited skirmish in the Middle East," returned to the room cracked up when he saw the chalkboard.

Some may question my methods, but I don't think there is anything wrong with occasionally asking students to exert themselves and behave responsibly. Even in public schools. Just one generation earlier and they really would have had a nun with a ruler (or a firmly clenched fist) standing over them every day instead of me and a single inspirational quote for a single class period. My favorite teacher of all of my years of school was a man who used intimidation quite often, and he had our complete respect. He wasn't cruel, he was just honest, and he followed through with consequences. We got a lot done that year.

Anyway, it was fun for me, and I think it was fun for some of the students. I noticed some of the quieter ones smiling and seeming to enjoy watching their peers squirm a little. I'm sure it gets old being surrounded by the brink of chaos day after day. Even the ones who seemed worried at the beginning walked a little taller by the end of class. Maybe they secretly did feel satisfied with themselves. Plus, taking charge and not worrying about which pre-teen it bothered helped me get me back into my head space after a somewhat disconcerting week in my personal life that had me a bit off-kilter. So it was good for all of us.

On a lighter note, when I walked into the building this morning there were a few kids hanging around outside the front doors and one of them called to me, "Oh my god, you're the yoga lady!" Lol.