Three days in a row at a middle school will do that to you.
My first two days were as a teacher assistant in a special education class. I am officially taking my hat off and curtsying to every human being who takes on this job as their calling. Wow. The amount of pure energy that kind of work requires is nothing short of superhuman. I do not doubt that the satisfaction of helping these amazing children learn and knowing that you are a part of the progress that is changing their lives must far outweigh the stress and exhaustion, but still... I am in awe of special education teachers. Utterly and completely.
Today was spent as a seventh grade language arts teacher. The first two classes were a little rowdy but ultimately fun. We did some yoga at the end of class, they thought I was cool and funny for the most part, and I liked them too. My last class was too talkative. There were a few who were o.k. I suppose, but as a whole they were rude and disruptive and completely dismissive of the person at the front of the room trying to run the class. Ugh. Disgusting.
So my hat also goes off to the teachers of teenagers. Adolescence is certainly a necessary part of physical and personal growth... but do we as a species have to be so damned OBNOXIOUS during this time? It's the worst possible combination of childishness and adulthood. All of the lowest, most base characteristics of each life phase combined into one. Add hormones and it's a veritable nuclear waste dump of humanity. Of course there are some kids who stay nice and sweet the whole way through, but certainly not enough of them for this substitute to go pro.
I was thinking about it the other day when I subbed at my old high school. I thought to myself, "These poor kids, they're so trapped by their own insecurities. How can I reach them?" And the answer was, I really can't. The teen years, however spent, all have one thing in common: self-absorption. They only way to really reach them is to somehow use their egomania to catch their interest, and then sneakily relate it to the material. Otherwise you're lost. Of course there are some teachers who inspire respect in teenagers. I've known them. I still can't quite figure out how they do it. I think it's a certain pheromone they must possess. Either way, I don't have it, not really. I can work with them if they're willing to be worked with. If they're in the least open-hearted or curious about the world around them, and the people in it, I think I can reach them. But let's face it. Many of them are not. Some never will be. And some won't be until college, and then the college professors get to have all the fun, with students who are actually interested in the subject matter, lucky bastards.
Until then... I'm glad to be a permanent sub. Not permanent in one classroom, but forever traversing the educational realms, gleaning what small iotas of significance I can from one experience to the next.
But I will never... I mean NEVER... EVER... be a full-time teacher. Mark my words....
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i've taught high school. and college, too. take it from me, not all college students are interested in the subject matter, even if the class is in their major.
ReplyDeletei actually really like teenagers--along with the egomania, their personalities are really starting to come out and you begin to see who these kids will be, for better or worse. they have interesting opinions (and can express them fairly articulately, unlike little kids), and they're often hysterically funny.
all that being said, i left teaching for pretty much the same reasons you listed. it was disheartening to wear myself out every day to get one iota of knowledge into their heads (exhilarating, though, when they'd come back later with something like, "that's and idiom, isn't it, ms. rodero?" what! acquired knowledge!), and they'd take SO little, such an INVERSE interest in their education. in part i blame myself, because i was new and overwhelmed and exhausted and depressed, but in part i also blame the school system for the boring curricula, the emphasis on the TEST SCORES and grades, and the gigantic class sizes that make teaching pretty much an exercise in group discipline most of the time. i figure if you can manage to sneak any learning in around all that, you've done a good job. and maybe changed a couple of lives.
but i would never, never, never teach middle school. no way to get learning in around the angst.