Bringing Down the House - Third Grade

Today I got YET another half day position, this time with a third grade class at one of my former elementary schools. (I say "one of" because I moved around a lot as a kid.) It was lots of fun.

The first part of the morning was spent with a huge, 1.5 hour long math lesson about probability and learning the difference among events that are unlikely, certain, likely, etc.

Then came the fun part.

I passed out these comic books that are about smoking. It was geared more towards teenagers in high school, but I guess it's standard issue throughout the school district so these kids got them too. The cool thing was that the artwork was really dark and sinister, and the superhero was just cheesy enough for a teenager to think it's stupid, but for a third grader to think it ROCKS.

This chatty bunch was so silent while they read it you could hear a paper clip drop. No, literally. I accidentally dropped a paper clip and you could totally hear it. I read it too and some of the vocabulary was pretty advanced, but none of them stopped once to ask what a word meant or anything. Their faces were so intent and fascinated, it was adorable.

After they finished reading, we were supposed to have a little discussion and then they had three worksheets to do (a word search, some scrambles) but our discussion lasted so long they only ended up having about five minutes to do the papers.

My "performance" in the discussion... in a word... KILLED. I brought. The house down. I went through all kinds of scenarios and characters of what to expect from smoking. I definitely gave them nightmares when I told them not to be tricked into using "dip" or chewing tobacco, because you can get mouth cancer and then they'll CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE (made them all hold their tongues and try to talk) or they'll REMOVED YOUR ENTIRE LOWER JAW (made them try to talk without moving their beautiful chins). Freaked them out, big time. Then I did all these valley girl impressions of girls trying to convince them to smoke. Then I did dudes who think they're cool impressions trying to convince them to smoke. We talked about ads and how you never see the beautiful female models actually put the cigarettes in their mouths and smoke them because beautiful models don't smoke (let them find out about Kate Moss in their own time). And I did a cowboy impression trying to tell them they'll be big and strong and tough with a horse and a hat if they smoke. One kid shouted, "You stink!" (to the cowboy character) and I, as the cowboy, responded, "Uh, no I don't. That's my horse." They fell apart laughing.

The great thing about kids is that they use their imaginations ALL THE TIME, so when you break into a character or a scenario they're right there with you. You don't have to give them a whole set-up and tell them which imaginary things are what or where. When I pointed over my shoulder at my imaginary horse, they burst out laughing, perfectly in-step and following along with the story.

We even got into what it's like to be addicted to something. How if they had a whole awesome day at Chuckie Cheese planned and they were going to be there for like FOUR HOURS and were in the middle of playing the BEST SKEE-BALL GAME OF THEIR LIVES when all of a sudden... Uh-oh. They really really really need to have a cigarette and have to step outside... And when the come back, someone else took over their game and lost all their points. They were interested in that, I don't think people usually describe what it's really like to be addicted to something, they just say that your body has to have something and leave it at that. But when I told them that I've known people who wake up in the middle of the night just because they need to smoke in order to fall back asleep, they were fascinated. And horrified.

At the same time, it's really cool how logical we are as kids. To a third grader, it would be completely ridiculous to ever start smoking. It is bad for you, it kills you, therefore, why do it? And yet in a few short years they'll be subject to all sorts of images and fads and pressures. And many adults who are still addicted know it is bad for them and continue to do it, unwilling to go through the discomfort of quitting for a better life in the end. What changes?

Maybe it's the trauma of puberty that never leaves us, and many of us remain deeply insecure and unsure of ourselves forever. Maybe other traumas scar us and make us want to self-destruct. Maybe it's nature. Or nurture. The debate rages on. : )

Either way, today showed me that it's not bad to think like a kid: use your imagination unceasingly, and keep that incredible clarity of logic that tells you when something is a good idea, or when it's just plain dumb.